Every August I am hit with a lot of emotions. My sobriety date is August 8, which is always a time of reflection, and then for the rest of the month I see posts on every social media network in regards to overdose awareness and I am plagued with the thought that could have been me. I am a multiple overdose survivor, so I know for a fact I escaped being another heart breaking story by the skin of my teeth. It could have easily been me or any of my sober friends. I can toss around the, “why me”, “why am I here while others are not”, type of thoughts – and sometimes I do, but mostly I choose to live in a state of gratitude all (most) days of the year, not just the month of August.
Living in gratitude to me means a lot of different things to me. It has changed and morphed over the years. I learned early on that gratitude is an action word, if we move our feet our head will follow. The good old fake it til you make it, go through the motions until the motions are your daily routine. Gratitude is answering the phone when it rings with another struggling woman on the other end, and allowing God to speak through me to hopefully help her. Gratitude is showing up when I don’t want to, because I know I will feel better after. Gratitude is knowing so long as I keep doing what I have done the last six years, I will never have to be the girl I once was again.
To show my respect to those we have lost, I chose to remember them, honor them, and speak of them often. I also chose to recover out loud, and share my story with others in hopes of helping someone. I have learned that awareness is a form of prevention, so I am always talking, always remembering, and always trying to be “the hope.” I know that talking about overdose, and my experience with it could save a life. I know that Narcan is a powerful life saving tool, that I am consistently carrying- hoping I never have to use it, but prepared if I do. Most importantly, I know that I have learned over the years that getting sober is not a one size fits all process and what worked for me isn’t always going to work for someone else.
Today, I implore you to think before judging. I ask you to remember those we have lost, and say a prayer for the loved ones and shattered hearts they left behind. Each person we lose to this insidious disease is someone’s someone, leaving a trail of disaster behind them. Drug addiction does not discriminate. Overdose does not discriminate. Help is available, recovery is real and happening all around you every single day. I ask you to hug your addict, love your addict, and most importantly help your addict.
So if you are struggling, if your loved one is struggling, know I see you, I support you, and I am here for you in any way possible. Please know that there are armys of those just like me who share the same sentiment. Furthermore, please do not suffer in silence. Pick up the phone, talk about what you or your loved one is going through and ask for help. The one thing I know for sure is it takes a village, and we do not get better alone. Today, August 31st, international overdose awareness day, I hope for not one more.
This is me. Authentic. Sober. Me. 